In Shallow Seas We Sail
by fadingvoice
Summary: Emily has been abandoned by yet another man in her life. Now not only does she have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart, but her failing gymnastics career. Though on the national team, can she prove that she can do well at the Olympics on her own?
1. A Sin To Hold On To

"Chances are you'll hate me in the morning," he whispered in her ear as she took his hand and led him towards the bed. She smiled and shook her head. No, she was sure of this. This is what she wanted. She'd been pushing away her feelings for so long, she wanted to completely open herself to him. "No, seriously. You will." Again, she refused to let this persuade her. Her mind was made up.

She sat herself down on the bed, linking their hands and leaning back as to bring him closer. He didn't initiate, nor deny, anything. He simply went along with whatever she put in motion, but he didn't even attempt to cover up the lack of passion he was putting forth.

"I…I don't understand," she muttered, embarrassed but more upset. "Don't you want this?" He let out a deep sigh, letting go of her and getting into a standing position. She lay on the bed, stunned and forcing herself to hold a stern face so that she wouldn't cry. He looked at her for a moment, then threw his head back in angst. When he brought his head to a normal position, his eyes locked with hers. Despite herself, her eyes gave away everything she was thinking.

"You know I do," he insisted, a slight edge to his voice. As he continued, though, he couldn't help but soften. "It's just…I didn't think that this would be the way you wanted it…" His eyes dropped to the floor.

There was silence for a moment before she said, "But what if it is?" He looked up to see her confident eyes gazing at him. Yes, this was what she wanted. At least, that's what he got from the way she was looking at him. And even if it wasn't, he could tell that she was determined to go through with it no matter what. At this point, giving in to his own desire, he moved towards her, kissing her passionately while laying his body on top of hers.

While in the middle of the act, her mind began functioning again. Was this really what she wanted? She wasn't quite sure. But it was too late to turn back now. How did this happen? She'd been so sure only moments before, and now suddenly her head was filled with doubts. Shaking off all of the thoughts in her head, she realized that this would be worth it. After this, he definitely wouldn't leave.

As they lay together in the bed, _his_ bed, she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Emily," he mumbled drowsily into her ear. She may not have been able to sleep, but he'd passed out moments after it was over. She smiled, kissing his forehead, then leaning her back against the bed's backboard.

"I wonder if this is what Lauren felt like?" Emily wondered, looking down at him. But it was different for Lauren, she reminded herself. Lauren had had sex with her best friend's boyfriend. As she watched his chest rise and fall, she felt a devotion towards him. It wasn't something that she could just shrug off. It was an eternal connection to him that meant more to her than she would ever admit, even to herself. With this connection she felt, she was sure that he'd never leave.

His eyes fluttered open, only briefly, to realize that she was still awake.

"You should…sleep," he stated, his speech breaking while trying not to fall back asleep. "…Training in the morning…" She smirked. Even in a tranquil moment like this, gymnastics was still unavoidable.

But she knew he was right. And with these words, she slid into a horizontal position, laying on her back and staring at the ceiling a moment before closing her eyes. So, yes, this really was real.

Hours later, she slowly opened her eyes. She was still in _his_ bed, in _his_ bedroom. She stretched out her hands, expecting to touch him, but all she found under her fingers were sheets. Her mind immediately thought of the next logical thing: the bathroom, or maybe the kitchen. Getting out of the bed, she wrapped herself in a sheet and left his bedroom. The bathroom was empty. Her heart raced slightly, but she forced herself to remain calm.

"Alright," she told herself. "If he's not in the kitchen, he's out getting something special for breakfast." When Emily found the kitchen empty, despite herself, panic set in. Approaching the kitchen table, she noticed a sticky note with writing on it.

_Good luck at the Olympics. I love you, Emily Kmetko. Goodbye._

He was right. She did hate him.


	2. Cutthroat Collapse

Emily stood there staring at the note for a few minutes, unsure of what to do. It was like her brain had completely frozen. She stood there, almost in a trance. But when she heard the alarm clock in the bedroom go off, her senses returned.

"I can't believe he's gone," she said aloud. No, this wasn't what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to not be able to leave her after she'd given herself to him. He was supposed to feel the same way. How could he not feel this desperate desire to be with her? She felt it. How could he leave?

But she shook these thoughts from her mind. All men were the same, no matter how much anyone wanted to believe otherwise. Shutting her emotions away, she changed and made her way to the Rock.

Even though Nationals had ended two weeks ago, reporters were still crowding it. Three gymnasts from this club were on the Olympic team, something that none of the other teams had accomplished. Emily was a long shot. She shouldn't have been on the team at all. If Payson hadn't…Well, needless to say, Emily was thankful for her spot, but devastated that Payson had to lose hers for Emily to go forward.

"Emily Kmetko, can I take five minutes of your time?" reporters were asking left and right. Lights were flashing as photographers went to nab a shot of an Olympian. Didn't they have enough already?

"Sorry. I have to train." She hated them all. Her life really wasn't that interesting. She really didn't have anything to say. All she wanted to do right now was focus on gymnastics. Despite their pleadings, she pushed her way through and entered her sanctuary.

"Emily!" It was Kaylie, calling her over to help with stretches.

"Where's Lauren?" Emily asked, getting in position. Kaylie nodded her head over to the office, where Lauren stood while her father was talking to Payson's mom.

"I wonder what he wants," Kaylie mumbled under her breath. Emily shrugged, choosing not to comment. Her mind was too busy keeping thoughts of him out to comment on Lauren's life. After a few moments of silence, Kaylie asked, "So I hear that Sasha's going to chew you out for kissing pizza boy." There was immediately a shot of pain to Emily's heart. She nodded curtly, but made no reply. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You seem…out of it."

"I'm fine," Emily assured her, slightly peeved that she'd let her guard down enough around Kaylie that she could tell when something was bothering her.

"Emily!" Both of the girls turned their heads to see Leo over at the vault. "Let's go. We've got to work on this before the Olympics!"

As Emily was getting up, Kaylie smirked. "Good luck, Emily." Emily nodded, slightly smiling, then made her way over to Leo.

After three bad vaults, Leo asked her to stop. He drew closer to her, making her body tense up. She remembered when Sasha had gotten this close. She prepared herself for another scolding. But, to her surprise, Leo didn't lean in to whisper in her ear. He simply stood a foot away, his pose relaxed and his face riddle with concern and confusion.

"Emily, what's up?" he inquired. "It's like you're a robot. All of your moves are so mechanical."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Leo let out a exasperated sigh. That wasn't exactly the response he'd been hoping for.

"Alright. Go again." She did as she was told. She began running, but his voice startled her. "Emily, stop! It just happened again." He shook his head in frustration.

"I'm sorry." No, she wasn't.

"You start out strong, but then it's like-

"It won't happen again!" she snapped back. He looked at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. "…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap like that."

"Just tell me what's on your mind." Her eyes widened slightly. Did he seriously expect her to just open up to him? Seriously? No, this would be her secret. She didn't want anyone else knowing what she'd done.

"Nothing. I just didn't get enough sleep last night." Leo wasn't convinced, she could tell, but he let it go.

"Alright. Let's just forget about vault for now. We need to work on your beam too." After half an hour of shaky performances, Leo was completely frustrated. "Emily, what the crap is your problem?"

"Why are you even working with me? There's plenty of other girls in the gym to help."

"But you're part of the national team. And you're the weakest of the girls here at the Rock. _That's_ why I'm training you. Because, as much as you probably hate to admit it, you need the most help." She nodded. "Again. This time, I don't care if you fall on your face, just give me some sort of power behind it." Emily stood there for a moment. Where was she going to get power? At this moment, she felt like she was completely empty. She'd given up all control the night before. Control was where she found her strength. And now, with her control gone, what did she have left? "Emily, let's go." She obeyed, getting on the beam. Where did her power come from now? "Begin."

With one thought in her head, she began her routine; but she found that this routine wasn't enough. Adding in extra flips, she pushed herself to be more than she had ever been before. She refused to believe that she would fail without him. She'd found her source of power, her source of strength: hatred. When she finished, she looked down to see a surprised expression on Leo's face.

"That was…wow," he stuttered. "Looks like we finally made a breakthrough." She nodded. "But that's not the routine. We'll have to tone you down a bit."

"The routine I have isn't enough," she insisted.

"Emily, what you just did would be like shoving your talent in the judges' faces."

"Which is exactly what I need to do if I want to be noticed."

"And, not only that, but you looked like you were going to kill someone that entire time."

"You're the one who told me to put some power behind it."

"Yeah. But power and anger are two different things." She nodded. Of course, he was right. But this was the only source of power she had right now. If she didn't focus on how much she hated him, all she'd focus on was how he abandoned her. How much she needed him. All of her sadness. "Try again. Try something different." Emily nodded again, deciding to focus on this extreme. There was no middle ground for her. Not yet, at least.


	3. Inside Our Skin

This had definitely been _the least _productive day Emily had ever had. Not only did she completely suck, but she managed to get yelled at all day…by Leo. Not even Sasha. Leo. If she'd ever thought that he'd had a soft spot for her, she was definitely wrong. And now, to top it all off, she had to go to work. Crap.

As she opened the door to the Pizza Shack, she could already feel her spirits dropping. If they hadn't been low enough, working her shift would be the kicker. The dinner shift was always decently busy, but tonight she would be closing alone. At least, that's what she'd thought.

"Who the crap are you?" she asked, jumping over the counter into the back area. Standing over a raw pizza, spreading bits of cheese, was a stranger. Not Razor. Not Damon. He had short, blonde hair and wore a plaid shirt. Except this shirt didn't look like it'd been taken off the rack from this year's trend. It was obviously worn, a few stains and small, almost unnoticeable, holes. He'd looked up when he heard his greeting. His eyes were a deep, gazing brown. And in his eyes, she could tell that he was completely shocked and confused.

"I'm covering for Damon," he replied, obviously staring at her. Emily tried to keep herself in control, but at this point, she knew it was over. Damon had left and he wasn't coming back. She took a deep breath, then let it out. "I'm Adam." She nodded. She'd been doing a lot of that now. Just nodding. "And you must be Emily. Damon said you were friendly." His tone was so soft, so gentle, that she couldn't help but laugh slightly.

"How did you know Damon?" she asked, forcing herself to be okay and to get to work.

"I'm the drummer for the band." Crap. Could she not meet one guy who wasn't either a) In a band or b) from the Rock? "First Razor shot off to who knows where, and now Damon's off in L.A. So I'm not a drummer for a band anymore, I'm just a guy trying to pay the next rent."

"I know the feeling."

"But you're a Rock girl," he countered. "You're going to the Olympics. There's gotta be plenty of people willing to pay you for something or other." She smirked.

"I was the last name to be called. Yeah, I made it on the team, but no one wants to have their spokesperson be the who's not going to be noticed at the Olympics." He nodded, then was quiet for a few moments. It wasn't an awkward silence like he didn't know what to say. He was…contemplative. Where Damon had been quick witted, Adam took his time to think.

"Well, if you get spokespeople now, they'll notice you more at the Olympics. They'll know you as _Emily Kmetko from the deodorant commercial._" Emily couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Oh. Yeah. That's a great way to be remembered." He smiled shyly.

"Well, I noticed that you're not a big makeup fan. So I figured deodorant would be the only product you'd actually used." He was perceptive. And although he was the ex-drummer for a band, holy crap how hated guys in bands now, he was a good guy to be around. He wasn't overly confident like Razor, nor sarcastic like Damon. He was a blender who, in most situations, would be forgotten; but one on one with someone, he was shown to have his own personality.

But despite having a decent time with Adam, when it came closing time, one thing still stuck out in her head: he wasn't Damon. Damon was the one she wanted to be with. As much as she hated him, even though he'd abandoned her, she wanted him there at the end of the day.

"So how long are you working here?" Emily asked as they locked the front door to the Pizza Shack.

"Razor said he'd be back by next week." Emily's eyes widened.

"Razor's coming back?" She couldn't believe it. She'd known that he would eventually, but now? Damon had just left, she didn't want to deal with his best friend.

"Yeah. He'd been planning that all along. But I'll probably ask for some shifts here anyway. I could use the cash." Emily smiled slightly. It'd be good to have Adam here so that her thoughts wouldn't completely be on how Razor and Damon were best friends but Razor left first and Damon made his move (well, technically, she made hers), and then Damon left, and now Razor was back.

"Oh. Well, that's good. Well, see you tomorrow."


	4. The Pour and the Prevalent

"Mom…" Emily was officially having the worst week of her life. First, she lost her virginity to a guy who abandoned her, then she suddenly sucked at gymnastics, found out Razor was coming back, and as if all that weren't bad enough…, "Why the crap is our rent not paid?" Her mother looked at the ground for a moment.

"Well," Chloe stumbled, trying to find the right way to say this. "Your brother's chair…" Emily immediately understood.

"I'm sorry. Just…How are we going to pay the rent?"

"I…Well, I could always call Joe-"

"No, Mom," Emily immediately cut in. "No. We're not asking him for money again. I'll just pick up extra shifts at the Pizza Shack." But Chloe refused this.

"No. You've got to train for the Olympics."

"I'm crap right now anyway," Emily argued. "And besides, it's not like Sasha's around to yell at me for taking off." Emily's mother turned to her with a look of confusion.

"…Sasha's not there?" Emily shook her head.

"He went off to somewhere or another to figure out who's going to be the coach for the national team."

"So who's running the gym now?"

"Well, Payson's mom is "overseeing," but Leo is really the coach for now."

"Is that the boy I said I'd marry if you didn't?"

"One and the same." A small smirk came to Chloe's face.

"Oh, Emily, he adores you! He'll definitely let you off the hook."

"That's what I'm counting on," Emily agreed. With Chloe's seal of approval on the whole mess, Emily headed towards the gym to flirt her way out of training. Or, at least, hopefully flirt her way out of training. She hadn't really flirted with anyone but Damon, and thinking of her lack of flirting experience made her heart ache as well as stuff her stomach with butterflies. This definitely wasn't what she was used to.

When she entered the gym, she didn't have her leotard on, which automatically tipped Leo off that Emily was going to ask for the day off. What he didn't intend was for Emily to obviously flirt with him. And while he was flattered…

"Emily, what the crap are you doing?" He saw completely through her. She wasn't flirting because she liked him, she was flirting because she wanted something and didn't want to have it handed to her.

"I-I just-" she stuttered. What could she really say? Anything but the truth.

"What do you want?" he asked, his voice gentle. He didn't mind flirting, but this wasn't the way he wanted it. When Emily looked at him, she knew that she wouldn't be scolded for asking, he just wanted the truth.

"Can I have a few days off?" she asked, quickly following it with. "I completely sucked yesterday, and I need a few days to get my head back. Would that be okay?" Leo looked at the ground for a moment. Should he let her go? Would that really bring her gymnastics back to the level that she needed to be at? He looked back up at her, his decision made.

"Sasha would probably tell you to suck it up and keep going…but alright. Just for a few days though, okay?" Emily nodded gratefully. "And I want you checking in with me, okay? Every night." Emily was more hesitant in nodding, but couldn't really complain. He was giving her time away from the gym. As much time as she needed. Enough time to both clear her head and pay the rent.

"Alright. Thank you." She then left the gym without another word, already headed to the Pizza Shack where she was scheduled to work in fifteen minutes.

When she arrived, her heart almost stopped. Crap. There was Razor, once again making pizzas just as he had months before. So many things had changed since then. When she'd first met him, she'd actually slightly flirted with him. Now she couldn't even swallow the thought of talking to him. What was she going to do?

Unfortunately, she didn't get the chance to plan out. Razor had looked up, seen her, and smiled.


	5. The Smile, The Face

After a few days of working with Razor, Emily finally began to realize that it wasn't really awkward. Apparently, he had no idea of what had gone on between she and Damon, and she liked it that way. He flirted slightly, but quickly backed off when she didn't respond or snapped back at him. If Emily couldn't say anything else about him, she would say he was gentle. He could tell that she'd been through some sort of heartbreak recently, and kept that in mind. He didn't treat her like some injured creature, but kept a safe distance from topics of family, love, or the Rock. Unless she brought it those topics up, he limited conversation to general topics. But in these simple things, he was learning more about her than he ever had. As shallow facts as they were, they were facts. Razor kept an eye on Emily, watching her open herself a little bit more every day. Emily knew he was waiting for something. The opportunity to make a move, she guessed. She remembered Damon hinting that Razor liked her, now she was seeing it for herself. He was content to have whatever part of herself she would give him. And, for now at least, she was giving him the most shallow portion.

Leo was also keeping tabs on Emily. With daily checkups, he had been keeping her in conversation for reasonable amounts of time. Mostly, he talked about the routines and asked how she was feeling and about what she needed to work most on for the Olympics. He also talked about how Sasha was going to be back at the Rock on Monday.

"So whatever funk you're going through," Leo joked sarcastically. "Try to make it over by then." Emily felt panicked and yet relieved when she heard about Sasha coming back. Sasha would whoop her back into shape and make her forget about everything except gymnastics. But she definitely wasn't sure how she'd face him. Not only did he know about her kissing Damon, he'd broken her outer shell before, and chances were that he'd probably break his way through her new one. She'd had time to assemble it, but she wondered if she could keep him out this time. What if she couldn't? Sasha would murder her, much less Damon, if he found out what she'd done. He'd find some way to blame her entirely, kick her out of the Rock, and then make sure that she'd never get to the Olympics. Her cynicism had grown over their time apart, her sense that every guy would betray her had too. Every man in her life, minus her brother, was a hazard to everything she'd worked to accomplish. She had to accommodate her life accordingly.

"Well, I'll try to make everything fit to your schedule then," she joked half-heartedly, thinking of everything that could possibly happen on Monday and then preparing herself for it.

"Emily, are you ever going to tell me what's going on?" Leo questioned, the hurt in his voice more evident than he'd wanted it to be. But he meant it. He'd expected that talking to her through this time would show her that he could be trusted, but all it had done was show him that every day she became more closed off. He could almost see Emily shaking her head as the silence engulfed his room.

"You don't need to know." She had to want to tell him, didn't she? She wouldn't respond at all if she didn't, right? At least, those were the things he was telling himself.

"It's hurting your gymnastics, whatever it is. And, as your coach, I need to know." She let out a deep sigh. Would he ever stop trying to pry his way in? If she wanted him in, she'd let him in. "I'm just…worried about you, okay Kmetko?"

"Okay." She was about to be late for her next shift, so she quickly ended the conversation and headed over. After this next shift, she would have just enough money to pay the rent and its interest. All she needed to do was survive one more shift with Razor, and then she could focus all her thoughts about Damon, who was still plaguing her mind as much as she fought it, into gymnastics. She would probably be a little rusty, but she had all of Sunday to warm up a bit before facing the wrath of Sasha.

When she got in, she put on her apron and made a little bit of small talk with Razor while putting some pizzas in the oven for her next order. Was this really going to work? She could feel Razor's eyes on her, but it was a different feeling from what Damon had given her. His eyes conveyed intrigue, while Razor's were obviously full-out desire. She wouldn't sleep with him. She probably wouldn't even date him. She could still feel Damon's hands on her skin, even now. No, she wouldn't fall into the waiting arms of his best friend. Not for anything. Turning from the oven, she met the eyes of desire, and he shied away.


	6. Edge of the World

_I am SO sorry to have kept anyone who wanted an update waiting!! I could give you my list of excuses, but you all have lives, so I know you understand. So here is the latest installment, and I'll try to have another one up ASAP. Thanks for reading!_

On Monday morning, Emily was completely rusty, and everyone in the gym could tell. Of course, Sasha hadn't been informed of Emily's "absence" and wasn't going to as far as Leo was concerned. He'd been an easy coach, letting the gymnasts out early, having a party; in exchange for their silence. If anyone squealed on his approach towards Emily, there were plenty of things he could use against them. If there was one thing that "nice guy" Leo wouldn't have, it was someone questioning his intentions towards Emily.

"Emily, I need more," Sasha barked, much to both Emily and Leo's dismay. She wasn't supposed to be this bad after only taking a few days off. She was supposed to be better. But Emily was beginning to realize that she couldn't run from what was going on in her head. No matter how much she filled her head with other things, it was still there deep in the back. Her plan had been full-proof, or so she'd thought. And here she was now, falling on her face in front of everyone as Sasha yelled at her. "Higher, Emily, higher!" Again, she fell. Sasha shook his head in frustration. "What is it, did you forget how to do gymnastics while I was gone?" Emily shook her head. "Then what's the problem?"

"Sasha, I-" She stopped. She honestly didn't have an explanation that would be appropriate. If she told the truth, she'd be kicked out of the gym. So, instead of the truth, she told another. "Things are just…hard back at home." Sasha looked at her for a moment, then nodded.

"Again." And this was how the practice went. Over and over until she finally found herself pushing through. It wasn't an emotional breakthrough, but a mental one. She had finally figured out how to keep Damon out of this part of her life and, she figured, if she could keep him out of gymnastics, that was all that mattered. As long as Sasha yelled at her, she could focus on that and push to be better. By the end of her one-on-one time with Sasha, she actually felt really relieved. The happiest she'd felt since Damon left. When Leo stepped up, however, she felt that slight happiness wavering. She needed him to yell at her. To hurt her. Like covering up a deeper pain with a less severe one. But Leo wouldn't be the one to hurt her, she knew. Not Leo, who'd always been nicer to her than anyone else at the Rock had been. She couldn't expect him to.

"That was really good, Emily," Leo praised. "What changed?" Emily shrugged.

"I just got into my groove." The high she'd been experiencing was fading with every moment.

"Was the break what you needed?" he inquired. Emily looked at his face, knowing that it was more a question of what most of the practice had been about.

"Not exactly." Her eyes were on the ground, Leo staring at her. He shook his head. She knew he wanted more of an explanation, but felt like giving none. She looked around the gym, trying to find an escape, when she heard Kaylie's voice calling her over.

"Rough day?" Kaylie asked as Emily approached. "You know my brother likes you, but to talk him into letting you skip practice for _days_? What's up, Emily?" Emily paused.

"We needed some extra cash." It was true. The fact that it got her away from the rest of the world for a while was just an added bonus.

"Oh." Kaylie seemed embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't think…"

"Don't worry about it," Emily assured her. "It's not big deal." She nodded.

"I just thought…That it might have something to do with Damon." Emily felt her heart ripping out at the sound of his name.

"Why would it have something to do with Damon?" she questioned defensively. Kaylie didn't answer immediately.

"Well, I know you said he was going to LA and…I don't know. We just thought that you were taking the loss really hard."

"_Oh._"

"Anyway," Kaylie continued. "I'm having a sleepover at my house on Friday night. Do you want to come?"

"Um…" If she went, she'd definitely be expected to share her feelings. "I'm not-"

"_Please_," Kaylie begged. "You don't even have to talk about feelings if you don't want to." Not wanting to disappoint her, Emily gave in; but deep down Emily had a feeling that if they asked her about Damon, she would crack, and she certainly couldn't have that.


	7. Churches and Serial Killers

When Emily arrived at Kaylie's house, she was greeted by Ronnie Cruz, who ushered her towards the staircase which led to Kaylie's bedroom where the other girls were. She was already steeling herself up and preparing her answers for the interrogation that was certain to take place. Even Payson, now back in gymnastics, had carried the habit of actually caring about something other than the sport with her. Just as she reached the top of the steps, Leo appeared, taking Emily by the wrist and leading her towards his room. She could feel herself tensing up as his fingers wrapped around her skin. Her stomach felt like it had hit the floor, her head felt heavy.

Once inside his room, the smell of whatever cologne he used smothered her, making her discomfort intensify. He closed the door once she was inside, then turned to her.

"Emily, I have to ask you a question." Her mind was foggy, but she nodded her head. "Did you needing time off have anything to do with Damon." Her eyes widened and her emotions swirled. He still had yet to let go of her.

Ripping her wrist from his grasp, she snapped, "No!" She was shaking her head almost unable to control her own movements.

"You can trust me, Emily. You can tell me what it is. Even if it is Damon." She was shaking now, begging to escape the drowning feeling she had.

"It's not Damon. It's just-" She stopped, not knowing how to finish her sentence. Leo could now visibly see the shaking, and took her by the wrists and drew her close to himself, wrapping his arms around her in an embrace. Her stomach made a heaving motion as the contact increased. "No. Please. Just let go!" But no matter how much she pleaded, he wouldn't. She tried to shove him away, but he only held tighter. And so it was that Emily ended up puking along Leo's neck and down his back.

He immediately let go and sprang back in surprise, disgust evident on his face. He gazed down at his hands, then up at Emily. Her face was ashen, her eyes slightly wet.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, then ran out of the room. Once locked inside one of the bathrooms, she sat down on the tile floor, letting it cool her skin. She wanted to scrub her body, the feeling of Leo's arms and hands like a stain upon her. Once she gained some control of herself, she got up and looked at herself in the mirror. There was a large puke stain on her shirt which made her cringe. Hearing a knock at the door, she tried to make her voice sound normal despite her throat feeling like it was on fire.

"Who is it?" she asked from inside her safe place.

"Emily, it's me." His voice carried strongly through the door. "I brought your bag." Opening the door a crack, she reached out and grabbed it, quickly shutting the door behind her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." She paused. "I'm really sorry about-You know." She heard him chuckle.

"Don't worry about it," he assured her. "Much worse stuff has happened to me at college." She doubted that anyone had puked down his back. Maybe on his expensive shoes, but not down his back. "Okay, well…I'll let you get changed and go hang out with your friends."

"Thanks," she replied quickly. "And Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"Me needing a break? It wasn't about Damon, honestly." He let out a sigh.

"…If you say so." Emily waited until she was sure Leo was gone to get changed. Once done, she walked into Kaylie's room to find Payson and Lauren.

"Kaylie went downstairs to get the pizza," Payson informed her, patting a spot on the bed where Emily could take a seat.

"What happened to you?" Lauren questioned. "You look like Kaylie's mom when she's lost her makeup bag." Emily smirked.

"I'm alright. Just a little tired." Payson scoffed.

"Well, that sucks, because if Kaylie and Lauren have their way, we'll pull an all-nighter and go to practice tomorrow morning on no sleep."

"That would definitely suck." Emily commented. Kaylie entered the room with a box of pizza in her arms, setting it in the middle of the bed. The girls circled around it, each taking a piece. Emily looked at hers, then took a little bite. Her stomach wasn't quite yet ready for food, but she forced it down. She couldn't seem suspicious to the other girls. She'd already majorly screwed up in front of Leo, she wouldn't do it in front of them. But she was now certain of one thing: her heart had chosen Damon, and her body wouldn't allow any other man near it.


	8. Piggy Back Lies

The girls talked for a while about training, basically doing anything to avoid the rather large elephant in the room. Neither Lauren nor Kaylie wanted to talk about Carter. Lauren wanted Carter, Carter wanted Kaylie, Kaylie wanted Carter but didn't trust him. It was a twisted web. And so, to avoid talking about Carter, Lauren and Kaylie turned their attention towards Payson and Emily.

"So, Payson, how are things with Nicky?" Kaylie inquired curiously. Payson's eyebrows furrowed.

"…Um…Like always. What do you mean?" Lauren rolled her eyes.

"He looks at you like you're a goddess," she elaborated. "Obviously he has the hots for you." Payson blushed shyly at the thought.

"So should we take it that you like him, too?" Kaylie interjected. Payson's eyes darted between her three friends.

"No. Yes." She let out a sigh. "I don't know. It's just always been so simple for us. It was just gymnastics. Now…I'm not sure. It might be something, it might be nothing." Of course, Kaylie and Lauren weren't buying it.

"It'll be something, I'm sure of it, Pay," Kaylie reassured her. Payson shrugged.

"He's thinking of leaving the Rock, though." Everyone's eyes opened.

"What?" Emily exclaimed. It's the first she'd spoken in quite a while. Payson nodded.

"He said there's too much drama at the Rock. Too much distraction." Lauren was once again rolling her eyes.

"So, basically, all he wants to do all day is watch you." Lauren stated blandly.

"He can't leave," Emily commented. "That would basically _kill_ the boys' side of the Rock." Kaylie nodded.

"It's true. He's the strongest guy." They all stared at the bed sheets for a moment.

"So…Emily…" Kaylie began, trying to be cautious. Emily could already tell what the subject would be. "Have you spoken to Damon since he left?"

"No," she replied curtly. Her three friends exchanged glances. "It's fine, though. That's not why I skipped out on practices, and it'll be like he never existed."

"Is that what you want?" Payson inquired.

"Yes." There was no hesitation in Emily's voice, but she felt herself quivering inside. Of course she didn't want that. She wanted him to come back and be there for her like he promised he would. But they didn't need to know that.

"Girls!" Ronnie Cruz called up. "Sasha's here and wanted to talk to Kaylie!" Kaylie quickly left, followed by Payson leaving to go change into her pajamas.

"You slept with him, didn't you?" Emily was taken aback by the accusation from Lauren.

"No," Emily was physically shaking her head, trying to make it seem believable. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you have the look I had after Carter and I…" Emily felt slightly insulted.

"If Damon and I were to have sex, it would be _nothing_ like what you and Carter had." Lauren nodded.

"I'm sure you're right. But you've still got that, "I did it to get the guy, I lost him anyway" look."

"It's just that home life is…stressful." This was always Emily's fallback. But despite her protests, Lauren didn't believe it.

"Are you…?" She let silence speak for the word. Emily finally decided it was time to surrender. She'd been hiding it, and it was killing her. At least she could take comfort in the fact that Lauren didn't have her virginity either.

"No." At least this was one thing Emily could be sure of, having gotten her flow at work the other day.

"So what now?" Lauren asked. Emily shrugged her shoulders. "Are you going to wait for him to come back, or move on to Leo…who wouldn't exactly be a downgrade." Emily smirked at the conceit in Lauren's voice.

"Who wouldn't be a downgrade?" Payson inquired as she entered the room.

"Moving on from dating Robert Pattinson to Taylor Lautner," Lauren answered. This knowledge was to be a secret between Lauren and Emily, even if the agreement was never formally made.


	9. Dear Death Part One

Payson sat down with Lauren and Emily, pulling a pillow to her chest.

"Emily, can I ask you a question?" she inquired cautiously.

"If it's about Damon, save it." Emily wasn't in the mood for Damon talk, especially not after what had happened with Leo. She was done with talking about her own personal life-romantic or otherwise.

"It's not about Damon," Payson responded. Hearing Payson say his name made Emily cringe inwardly, amazed that she, herself, had even been able to say it. Payson let out a deep breath before continuing. "I was wondering what happened to you? A few weeks ago, you were more than capable of qualifying for the Olympic team, and now…"

"Now I suck," Emily finished for her. She knew it was true. She hadn't been herself since Damon left. She didn't want to blame her fall from grace on him, but it would quite a coincidence if it had nothing to do with him.

"I wouldn't say suck…" Payson continued.

"I would," Lauren added sarcastically.

"The point is, I just want to know where all your skill went." Emily's thoughts went wild. Aka, this was a roundabout way of asking if Damon leaving had screwed up her focus. She figured that Payson wasn't really interested in Emily's emotional stability, but more if she could perform when the time came. At least Emily could take comfort in the fact that Payson really didn't care about her love life, and she did; but she still wanted to avoid the topic.

"I just hit a rough patch." The room went silent for a moment, until the moment when Emily's cell phone rang.

"Who is it?" Lauren asked. Looking at the caller ID, she looked at Payson and Lauren.

"I have to take this." Leaving the room and sneaking past Leo's room, she hid herself in the bathroom.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Razor's voiced replied, a warmth in it that made her think that he was probably smiling as he talked. "Do you think you could come down to the Pizza Shack and help out for a bit?" Her brow furrowed.

"It's ten o'clock. There's only an hour until closing. Why do you need me?"

"Adam decided to take off early, and it suddenly got busy," he explained. Letting out an aggravated sigh, Emily complied.

"Alright, give me fifteen minutes. But, just warning you, you'll have to face the wrath of Kaylie for this." He chuckled lightly.

"It's worth it." She took a moment to process what he could mean by that.

"…Is it really that busy?"

"Yes. Come down as soon as you can!" he exclaimed, hanging up immediately afterwards. Preparing herself for the girls' reactions, she went back into the room. Fifteen minutes she was at the Pizza Shack, only to find that the parking lot was completely empty.

-Sorry that this is such a short chapter! I'd love to hear feedback and what you'd like to see happen throughout the rest of the story!-


	10. Butcher's Mouth

Entering the Pizza Shack, Emily saw Razor behind the counter.

"What the crap is going on?" she questioned, ready to unleash her anger. Not only had she had to drag herself out here, but she'd had to put up with Kaylie's whining. Razor hung his head for a moment.

"Someone," he muttered quietly, "wants to speak to you." Coming out from the back was Damon, looking at Emily with those eyes that had captured her heart, her soul. Her _body_.

"Damon-" she stuttered, her entire body becoming stiff. Her heart was begging to be near him again, but her mind wouldn't have it.

"Hi, Emily," he replied, glancing at Razor, who quickly left the room.

"What the crap is going on?" Emily repeated, forcing herself to come up to the counter. Damon stood on the other side, simply staring at her.

"It's been a while."

"No kidding," she snapped sarcastically. "Last time I saw you, you were taking my _virginity_!"

"I told you you'd hate me in the morning." He smirked, but his eyes conveyed an emotion far from smugness.

"And you were right," She paused, letting out a sigh. "How could you leave, Damon?" He shook his head in frustration.

"You knew I was leaving," he stated, defending himself. "I didn't give up my dream just like you wouldn't give up yours." He scoffed. "Be honest, Emily. The only reason you had sex with me was so that I'd have to stay here with you." She bit her lip, afraid to admit that what he was saying was true. "You could've just told me that you wanted to be official."

"You could've done the same thing," she retorted. He shrugged.

"You knew what I felt about you. It was you who wasn't sure."

"_Felt_?" Silence enveloped them, a tension growing.

"We're not good for each other," Damon insisted, pulling away from the counter. "It'd be better for us to be apart."

"That's not true," Emily claimed quietly, staring at the ground.

"It's is. You'd be better-"

"I don't want anyone else," she assured him. "I don't want Razor or Leo, I just want you." Damon wouldn't look at her, knowing that her eyes were welling up with tears.

"It'll be better for your gymnastics." She shook her head angrily.

"I _suck_. For the first time in my life, the one thing that I could always count on when everything else in my life fell apart is _gone_."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"You're sorry to hear that?" she questioned mockingly. "What kind of response is that?"

"The kind that says that nothing's changed. It's better for us-"

"Better for you, you mean," she stated sarcastically.

"Okay, yeah," he admitted. "My music has been _great_ since I left Boulder. I actually have record labels wanting to produce me."

"Because who doesn't love songs about losing virginity? I mean, look at Madonna. Threw her into stardom, didn't it?"

"That's not-"

"When do you go back?"

"Depends..."

"Okay. Was that all you wanted to say?" she inquired

"…Yeah, but-" Emily couldn't stand to listen to him try and explain himself.

"Good. Then we're done here." The silence once again came, only broken by Damon's long sigh.

"Yeah. We're done."


End file.
